IT people automatically know what data needs to be backed up even though they were told there was nothing important on the drive.

This happens quite a bit. You get tasked to reimage a users computer and you make sure to specifically ask if there is anything the user needs off of the computer because the reimage will wipe all data from the hard disk. Erased. Not there anymore.

Then, after the reimage..."Where is that file?"

And of course it is your fault.

Next buttons are enigmatic and complicated puzzles that the average person could never figure out.

You are helping a user install a piece of software. You walk them through downloading the installer, finding the file that they downloaded, and double clicking to begin the install process. Your job is done, right?

Solitaire is the only reason to own a computer.

If you are not over the age of 65, you may have no idea how owning a computer only for solitaire alone can be possible. Well it is possible and I have met the people who deem it so.

Key loggers are a good replacement for taking an active role in your child's life instead of actually having to be there.

I do not know if this is just prevalent where I live or if this is a common thing everywhere.

There have been several times, while working for the small IT company, that I have had a customer come in and request us to put a keylogger on a computer system.

If you know how to turn on a computer, use internet, word process, and send and receive email, you are considered "computer illiterate".

This has to be one of my pet peeves, and I hear it all the time.

You go to do a service call for someone and they sit there and tell you about all the things they do on the computer. Most of which include getting on the internet, making documents of all kinds, working with images, and several other computer tasks. Then, while you are working to fix their issue, they tell you "I am just so computer illiterate".

Just because you do not know how to root out a malware or viral infection does not mean that you do not know how to operate a computer.

Questions to figure out if you are computer illeterate or not:

1. Do you know how to turn on the computer?
2. Do you know how to use a mouse to point and click on things?
3. Do you know how to use a keyboard?
4. Do you know how to open that program you always use?
5. Do you know how to save files in said program?
6. Do you know how to get on the internet?
7. Do you know how to insert the criton into the main synerdrive and start the nightly ID10T batch process?

If you answered yes to everything but #7 (it was nonsense) then you are NOT computer illiterate.

Computer illiterate is when someone asks you how you make the @ symbol for an email address and you say "hold the shift key and press the number 2" and they respond with "where is the shift key?" (true story). It is not knowing the basic concepts of how to use a mouse to point and click. It is having to be told a hundred times how to do basic things, like open the only word document you own and edit, and still have to have detailed written instructions.

The words “hard drive” and “memory” are interchangeable.

"My computer needs more memory"

This is something I hear all the time as an IT guy. How you would normally interpret this statement is that the user is running a lot of programs while the obligatory OS bloat has made the system inefficient by using all available memory and then swapping data to the hard drive. But in a lot of cases this statement ACTUALLY means that the user has run out of hard drive space and can not save their files, or a program had popped up a window stating that space is low.

This is another one of those words like "modem" that people tend to throw around. Unfortunately, when you are talking with someone over the phone and trying to ascertain the problem it does not help that they are talking about two completely different functions of the computer. And most times, that is all the information you will be able to get out of them, which makes it worse.

So if someone says to you "My computer needs more memory", do not assume that they are actually talking about RAM.

Porn magically appears on peoples hard drives.

When working on a computer, I love stumbling upon people's porn collections. What I love more is stumbling across them while the user is sitting there with you.

Usually, this happens when you are having to root out a virus or malware and are browsing shared media folders looking for rogue files. The typical user response is "How did all of that get on there? Did the virus put it there?" or "I have no idea where all of that came from". At this point, as non-judgemental IT people, we have to pretend that we are completely dense and say "Oh, yes I am sure it must have been the virus". What you don't do is offer to remove the files for them because that just causes an awkwardness that you do not want. The exception is if they tell you to delete the files, then you do.

Please do not assume that I am saying that this is the scenario covers all "porn stumble" situations. Mileage may vary. Sometimes you get people so proud of their collection they will show you favorites, which really can be awkward.